Worst Cartoon Characters (transcript)

This is the dialogue in the video, Worst Cartoon Characters.

• [The screen shows an image of Star from Star vs. the Forces of Evil screaming, with words that read, "This video is a critique, which is considered "fair use" under section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976. If you enjoy these cartoons, please consider supporting the creators by buying the DVDs. :)"]
• PhantomStrider: Let's go!
• Boo: Heheheh.
• PhantomStrider: It's time to check out the most aggravating, loathsome, repugnant, obnoxious, barbaric fury-inducing cartoon characters in cartoon history! Some of these characters haunt the memories of our childhood and terrorize the people of today with any presence on television! These animated characters are so downright offensive that they actually managed to lower the quality of life for those watching it! So, we're gonna them out today! So let's dive right into the Top 10 WORST Cartoon Characters of All Time! And as always, if you do like these movies, that's great! It's just my usual silly personal opinion, and I'm glad can enjoy these characters when I can't. So take this list with a pinch of salt. Anyway, onto the countdown! #10..."

• #10: Angelica — Rugrats (1991) [AKA: SATANICA]
• PhantomStrider: Blergh! Has there ever truly been a more annoying little brat than this little twerp?
• Angelica: I didn't do it. It was Tommy! Tommy and the babies!
• PhantomStrider: I know we're MEANT to dislike her, but the creators managed to make her SO detestable that just... seeing Angelica makes me become so overwhelmed with unbridled fury... that I go into crazy eight mode!
• Angelica: That's it! Get back there or you're not playing lemonade! I'm —
• [Strider raises his arms up and down in front of his laptop while the Donkey Kong music plays in the background.]
• Angelica: How can a girl who bullies kids who can't even walk yet possibly be any more dislikable?! I remember losing my appetite for cookies after watching Angelica. For years! I just felt like a gluttonous, greedy bad guy whenever I ate them! You know you botched up your character design a bit; when your cartoon characters are SO LOATHED that you caused early on-set eating disorders in seven year olds! It took me 15 years before I watch this otherwise excellent cartoon again. And frankly, I blame SATANICA! And for #9...
• #9: Bloo — Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends (2004)
• PhantomStrider:  Aw, Foster's Home! What an innocent, charming piece of childhood! Except for one BIG BLUE GUNKY problem standing in its way! Bloo is just an un-redeemable, FURY inducing trainwreck of a character! Wikipedia describles Bloo's personality as a manipulative, self-centered, immature, abrasive, narcissistic maniac. And that was the NICE verson! Even Wikipedia can't be neutral about this waste of network space. Bloo was such a nefarious little ball of animosity that he actually dramatically lowered the quality of the cartoon for me. I've never watched Foster's Home that much; mainly because of the FOUL taste Bloo left on the show! When he wasn't trying to swindle his "friends" out of their money...
• Bloo: How much you got?
• Wilt: I got a buck. 
• Bloo: Gimme!
• PhantomStrider: He was putting the entire household in DANGER with his insane ideas! Bendy was technically worse, but at least he was only in one episode. Bloo's the main frickin' character of the show! Personally, if I ever find this blue pile of GUNK on the back of my shoe, I'm scraping it off; because I just stepped in something NASTY! And for #8...
• #8: Mr. Krabs — SpongeBob (1999)
• [Mr. Krabs laughs]
• PhantomStrider: Some people say that ALL of the SpongeBob characters are getting worse, as the SpongeBob series is going on. But in my opinion, Mr. Krabs has been a greedy, money-obsessed, carnivorous monster the whole time! For nearly two decades, this crab has exploited one of the nicest, most positive-thinking cartoon characters ever created into slave labor! He takes no consideration for anyone, including his own daughter, unless cold-hard cash is involved. Krabs is just one big lesson in the dangers of obsessing over financial gain. He laughs in the face of his slowly dying competitor, and exploits all the fish people in the ocean with fast food that can literally make their thighs explode! * Squidward blows up * Krabs is every heartless, detached CEO that has ever squelched the dreams and hopes of his fellow fish. #7...
• #7: Brainy Smurf - The Smurfs (1981)
• Brainy Smurf: Do the Brainy! Do the Brainy!
• PhantomStrider: Blurgh! If any cartoon character makes the village idiot sound like an appealing job, it's Brainy Smurf. Thanks to this dreadful little speck of narcissism, I don't have ant memories of Smurfs when I was a kid; just ANGER FILLED FLASHES of Brainy Smurf's [imitates Brainy's voice] nasaly voice as he lectures to an entire village [voice changes to normal] of how incredibly smart he is!
• Brainy Smurf: As Papa Smurf's personal assistant, I know best.
• PhantomStrider: He's called the village intellectual, but I don't EVER remember him ACTUALLY doing anything smart! In fact, most of the time, he botches up the village plans terribly and sendsthe entire Smurf village into DISASTER! Yet somehow, the village seems to like and... respect him!
• Smurfette: Oh, I miss the old Brainy.
• PhantomStrider: WHY?! Despite the fact that this guy is even more egocentric than Vanity Smurf! His NAME is Vanity! His entire character is that he stares into the mirror. Even when you read the Smurf Encyclopedia, they openly state Brainy Smurf serves no purpose to the story, except being a nuisance. In other words, even the creators of the Smurfs hated this Smurf. He's DEFINITELY one of the worst characters! And the 6th worst cartoon character is...
• #6: Johnny — Johnny Test (2005)
• PhantomStrider: Johnny is simply an anomaly of nature! By his very existence, he demeans every millenial who is unfortuante enough to watch him. Johnny is just a farting, sneering, walking bullseye. He's self-entitled, narcissistic, and his his hair is so obnoxiously bright that I imagine it causes seizures. His prescene has all the charm of an autopsy! And his entire existence seems to be one big vain attempt to appeal to... the youths. 
• Dukey: When was the last time you cleaned your room?
• Johnny: There was no last time. 
• PhantomStrider: I've never quite figured out if "the youths" considered it as much of a pandering, exasperating breathing blockhead as I do. But every time I see Johnny sneer, I just feel like he's demanding the entire millenial generation! He is a hero that literally farts on the bad guys to drive them back. I don't think they even have the mental capacity to find a stupider way to fight. This kid gives millenials an unfair bad. 
• Johnny: We'll see about that. TO THE LAB!
• PhantomStrider: And for #5...
• #5: Allen Gregory — Allen Gregory (2011)
• PhantomStrider: Many of us have seen the stereotype of the pretentious, overprivledged rich boy before— characters like Richie Rich; that sort of thing. But the creators of this cartoon said, "PFFT! Lightweights!", WE can do REAL pretentious! Let's concentrate that pretentiousness into a fine laser that could cause savage desk-throwing fury in Gandhi himself!
• Allen Gregory: But then I realized how selfish I was being. How unfair it would be to deprive you of me winning this award. Does that make sense? Anyway, back to me.
• PhantomStrider: The entire premise of this abysmal cartoon he starred in was to look down at the other 99.9% of the population. What a spectacular idea! Next, why don't we create a duck shooting show: The Animal Rights Channel?
• [Gunshot is heard; a duck quacking sound-effect is also heard]
• PhantomStrider: If you can watch more than 10 minutes of this snooty, overconfident dweeb without slamming your fist through your monitor, then you have my respect! And for #4...
• #4: Scrappy-Doo — Scooby-Doo (1979)
• PhantomStrider: I've never met anyone who actually liked Scrappy-Doo. 
• Scrappy-Doo: I hope I see a ghost! I'll flatten his sheets!
• PhantomStrider: And when I say everyone, I do mean EVERYONE! The creators themselves hated their own creation so much that they made him the villain in the live-action movie. This seems like another case where the writers were purposely trying to sabotage the cartoon series and send it down the toilet! He was defenseless, yet always picking fights! And every word he said seemed to make taxidermy seem more appealing!
• Scrappy-Doo: Let 'em up, you test-tubed creepy! 
• PhantomStrider: He was characterized by being extreme egomaniac that threw the whole gang in danger constantly... and that was actually about it! Scrappy-Doo was added to the cartoon as a sad, desperate attempt to restore Scooby's ratings; when the show was on its last legs. They followed it up with... Ugh, The Scooby and Scrappy-Doo Show! Because, you know, torturing your audience is fun. Just once! Just once! Couldn't they have Scrappy actually face the monsters? Let the one-foot-tall puppy take on the seven-foot monster! Chances are afterward, he... won't be trying it again. And the 3rd worst cartoon character is...
• #3: Peter & Brian Griffin — Family Guy (1999) [Heads up: Some higher animated violence in this cartoon.]
• PhantomStrider: I can manage to tolerate... a lot of things about Family Guy. I can tolerate the empty nauseating shock humor, the mean-spirited foul jokes, and the endless celebrity references. But I just can't tolerate Peter and Brian! These two are just pure hateful characters, with no redeeming qualities whatsoever! Many may disagree with me on this choice, but personally, Peter and Brian were the first characters I thought on when I made this list. 
• Brian Griffin: Yes, I am that Brian Griffin. You probably have my novel. You have my novel, right?
• PhantomStrider: Peter was made to hide around the premise of being, quote on quote, retarded. But Seth can't even write an intellectually challenged character nowadays. An intellectually challenged person isn't capable of being so intelligently sadistic as Peter. Peter is just an unapologetically cruel, neglectful and outright EVIL character! He attacks his friends, he abuses his children, he abuses his wife. Peter is an outright insult to intellectually challenged people. And the fan fury behind Brian's character nowadays is almost comical to see. People now hate Brian SO much that the general fan consensus is that the main highlight of the new episodes is when they see him in pain. If I didn't feel so much like Brian was a direct soap box for Seth's arrogant, self-indulgent agendas, he might be slightly more tolerable. But now, every time Brian opens his mouth, I just end up disliking him even more! And even when he's meant to be NICE, he's so painfully transparent, shallow and openly exploitive of others that it's always cringeworthy to watch! These two manage to rot those around them with their mere prescene! And for #2...
• #2: The Annoying Orange — The High Fructose Adventures of Annoying Orange (2012)
• The Annoying Orange: Can I call you Resindi for short? * laughs *
• [Strider slaps his desk.]
• The Annoying Orange: I thought your name was Broccoli. * laughs *
• [Strider slams his head on the desk.] 
• PhantomStrider: Can I even call this... detestable CG live-action abomination a cartoon? It was on Cartoon network, so... I guess it is? Watching Annoying Orange is just... pure... torment! 
• [The Annoying Orange laughs]
• PhantomStrider: Is there... any part of Annoying Orange that doesn't offend human sensation? This character looks butt-ugly; it sounds like fingernails on a chalkboard! Hell, Annoying Orange is so detestable that it... smells bad! Its mere existence is so nauseating that it gives fruit in general a bad name! Apples and oranges are among my favorite snacks. Yet now all I see those FOUL beady little eyes while hearing that detestable shrill voice! So now, I slice my oranges into nine sharp pieces, just to make sure it doesn't start squealing at me to like and subscribe to it! Every single moment this basely horrific piece of produce is on screen, I feel another surge of fury through my soul! I can safely say that I want to eviscerate the entire local fruit market after watching 5 minutes of this thing. Annoying Orange as a character, AND as a cartoon, is pure, uncontrolled torment!
• [The Annoying Orange laughs again; Strider destroys his laptop with a Lightsaber.]
• PhantomStrider: And before we descend into the pits of #1, I'd like to give a couple of quick DIShonorable Mentions!
• Dishonorable Mention #1: Sway Sway and Buhduece — Breadwinners (2014)
• PhantomStrider: Undisputed winners of the stupidest name in the world contest! The only reason these two aren't on the list is because I've already talked about them three times, including in my Worst Cartoons of All Time. And I imagine you are as sick of these two ducks as I am! It is truly the dawn of a better day, with these two ducks cancelled!
• Dishonorable Mention #2: Snarf — Thundercats (1985)
• [Snarf makes obnoxious noises]
• Dishonorable Mention #3: Ronaldo — Steven Universe (2014)
• PhantomStrider: The bane of Steven Universe! Thank Atheismo, Rebecca Sugar stopped giving him screen time!
• Dishonorable Mention #4: Lemongrab — Adventure Time (2011)
• Lemongrab: Unacceptable! UNACCEPTABLE!
• [Sound of glass shattering while Strider is covering his ears.]
• PhantomStrider: Imagine a character specifically designed to speak all the wrong inflections and to be intolerably annoying in every manner possible. A character who squeals his sentences rather than talks. Mercifully, we only had to tolerate this strange yellow confused fusspot for a couple of episodes.
• Dishonorable Mention #5: Patrick — Modern SpongeBob (2008)
• PhantomStrider: Interestingly, modern Patrick is absolutely hated by a great deal of community now. Patrick was actually recommended for this list more than any other character. I admit, he's become a jerk in later seasons but my main defense for choosing Krabs over him was that Krabs has just been a bad apple from the start. But Patrick certainly gets a dishonorable mention.
• Dishonorable Mention #6: DW — Arthur (1996)
• PhantomStrider: I think I've missed the age group for Arthur of their bets because, even as a kid, it was just a little to wholesome for me. But I didn't hate it or anything, but D.W.!
• DW: Stay with me and we'll practice this scene until we get it right!
• PhantomStrider: This irritating little ass just stuck in my head! Sadly, whenever I think Arthur, I just think of how annoying D.W. was. Interesting side fact; did you know there was 19 freaking seasons of this show? Geebus! And it is still going! After 19 freaking years, how is this strange little aardvark still 8 years old?
• Dishonorable Mention #7: Troll — Troll in Central Park (1994)
• PhantomStrider: Ugh! I will not feed this troll!
• Dishonorable Mention #8: Davey — Eight Crazy Nights (2002)
• PhantomStrider: Take all the most obnoxious, screwed, annoying characteristics of Adam Sandler's films, and then mesh those into one vile, irredeemable character. Anyway, here we go! Just a note for this final choice, we're gonna have to venture to some… very dark territory.
• [Lightning strike sound effect turns the lights in Strider's room off]
• PhantomStrider: I'll be honest, it's a place I never wanted to visit again as long as I lived. Oh, yes! The #1 worst cartoon character is...
• #1: Ren — Ren Seeks Help (Ren & Stimpy "Adult Party Cartoon") (2003) [Heads up: Some immoral themes and scenes in this next cartoon.]
• [Strider slams his head against the desk.]
• PhantomStrider: There is NO other choice! Ren truly is the vile, repugnant, despicable creature to ever defile animation history! This cartoon was... so bad, in fact, that the original voice actor for Stimpy outright refused to voice him again. Because... the voice actor, for Stimpy, thought the cartoon was too revolting — the guy who eats his own stomach acids. And ever since I first saw Ren Seeks Help, I completely understood why! Ren in Adult Party Cartoon is just about every horrible aspect of humanity. This character is like a black hole that all comedy, or clever humor, is sucked into. We watched Ren grow up, relishing with glee in watching the suffering of living things. Eventually discovering he doesn't want to kill them, because that would end their suffering, leading to his slow growth into an abusive partner. Eventually, Ren breaks down into an even more animalistic state with truly no mental functional beyond a wild beast with a desire to kill. Amputating and clawing his way to a slow end of caging in isolation. How do you top that!? How do we drop the bar any lower? The bar is so low now that it sung through the center of the Earth and broke through to china! If you've seen A Clockwork Orange, you probably know that a sadist character can be done artistically, thoughtfully and almost beautifully. There's nothing wrong with an insightful look into our more barbaric sides. But there is... nothing intelligent, clever, or even remotely insightful about Ren! I still feel the bile rising from the back of my throat when I see footage of this... thing! Ren from Adult Party Cartoon is the embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong in cartoon characters! Past, present, and I'm gonna hope future. I don't know who came up with this character, and I don't think I want to know. There is nothing pleasant about watching him; not a comfortable, even slightly relatable thing about him. Ren is rotten to the core, and I consider him easily the worst cartoon character of all time!
• The Conclusion
• PhantomStrider: But despite these cartoons existing, many of them might as well not exist. Most of these characters were over a decade old, and nowadays, I'm blown away by how likable and relatable new cartoons are making their characters. Even the lousiest of teen sitcoms have characters that are leagues more likable than these guys, and I'm glad to see cartoons always improving for new generations. Do you think I missed a particular character? There's such a wide variety of cartoons out there, I'd be amazed if I didn't miss at least a few. So feel free to leave your own thoughts in the comments and as always, thanks for watching, and I'll see you next time!